Most of us will need care at some point in our lives, but few people relish the idea of giving up their independence and asking someone for support.
It’s often a close friend or family member who notices their loved one is struggling with everyday tasks or their health. And once they’ve recognised their loved one could benefit from care, it puts them in the difficult position of raising this sensitive subject.
So, how do you have a productive conversation about getting someone started with care?
Who to involve
Before you broach the subject with your loved one, think about whether you need to speak to anyone else first. This could be other family members, friends, or professionals. If your loved one is reluctant to accept care at first, it helps to have everyone on the same page.
This can be a difficult and emotional conversation for everyone. Sometimes, family members live far away. If they haven’t visited recently, they may not have seen what you’ve seen. They may still think of their relatives living happily and independently. Explain your concerns and how you think your loved one would benefit from care.
In other cases, your loved one may already have a primary caregiver – you or someone else in the family. If you feel this is no longer the best option, have an honest conversation about why. It might be too difficult for you to juggle your own life with caregiving, or you may feel the level of care required should come from a professional.
If they have an existing care network – e.g. a social worker, community nurse, GP, or charities – talk to them about your concerns and get professional advice on what to do next.
Be prepared
Plan what you’re going to say to your loved one ahead of time. Think about how the conversation will go based on past interactions, and try to see things from their perspective. It helps to focus on the positives – use language like ‘support’, ‘companion’, and ‘help around the house’ if the word ‘care’ is too clinical or intimidating.
If you have examples of how you think your loved one will benefit from care, have them ready, but go gently. No one likes feeling watched or judged. Your loved one may be embarrassed that you’ve noticed them having difficulty with something they used to manage with ease.
It helps to understand your options in terms of local care providers, but be mindful that your loved one may want to do their own research. Sometimes it’s better to talk about the practicalities another day.
Find the right time and place
Set aside some time to have an honest conversation. If you’re part of a close-knit family, decide who should be there and who can be updated later – you don’t want your loved one to feel overwhelmed or ambushed. Make sure you’re somewhere quiet and comfortable where you won’t feel hurried.
Be patient, listen, and empower
Your loved one may need time to process what you’ve said, so be patient with them. Don’t rush them to make a decision, and respect their thoughts. Ask them if they have any questions you can answer, or make a list of topics to go away and research.
Make sure your loved one feels empowered, not pressured. If you have power of attorney, it will be easier for everyone if your loved one agrees to accept care and you discuss your options together.
If you have any questions or you’re looking for home care in Banstead or across Surrey, get in touch and chat to our friendly team.